Adversity & the Poor Woman

Adversity and a poor Woman

I wondered how anyone can have the face to condemn others when he reflects upon his own thoughts. A great part of our lives is occupied in reverie, and the more imaginative we are, the more varied and vivid this will be. How many of us could face having our reveries automatically registered and set before us? We should be overcome with shame, crying that we could not be so mean, as wicked, as petty, as selfish, as obscene, as snobbish, as vein, as that. Yet surely our reveries are as much part of us as our actions and if there were a being to whom our inmost thoughts were known we might just as well be held responsible for them as for our deeds.

The Friday luncheon was regular, for our management team, when I could pamper them a little as reward for service. Over the many years of owning a business, I had become quite an expert in many fields from being at the coal face, always productive; working weekends regularly, collecting the mail over Christmas whilst him and the poor Woman went away each year for a three week break, yet as much as I did was never good enough and there was never a pat on the back, only advice of how in hindsight I could have be better. As I look back at a very prosperous business I have found many damages occurring, selfish acts, that persuaded a good situation away from a bright flame, the Poet saying to anyone who would listen “He doesn't care anymore...” "He'll ruin us this time, he's having a crisis" All the time conditioning 'I' with blame; yet he had said I was “like a Brother” . A Drama started as he walked into my office.

“ Why don't you get away for a couple of weeks, so I can restore the moral around here....” A few weeks went by I was working at home and a letter came: "You are sacked...." I knew what I was capable of, I was pretty angry, being threatened also with trespassing my own property if I came back, but my counsel was to stay above the line no matter what, as Newton theorised equal and opposing force I thought of use and be used, good karma. I have learnt of peoples reactions to such adversity is either pragmatic or has been his symphony for the ruthless declarations to gain my personal assets, but I always knew that people who proclaim such things are the guilty ones and one day I would have my day in court. Our turnover had dived under his management.

Looking back, I realise that what I have written about the Poet to some must seem very unsatisfactory; I have no need to get even, just to receive my fair entitlements, my long service, a week in lieu, you know? after this Toad had sat in my Kitchen proclaiming " irrationality" to my children and after three years facing this criminal's conspiracy, I found our legal system creates in fantasy, I told the barrister, "when you are ready to end this I'd appreciate it", I think of morality spoken was morality you'd received, owning my intentions and that if I was? going through a crisis of some sort that "My Brother" would have supported me, which he did, hoping for my bankruptcy. Meaning remains obscure to me because I could not have ever really understood the morals that led him to them, the emotional reasons, jealously of Patience. "Why ?"....... I think that courage failed you some way or maybe you didn't receive such a gift. The weakness for a body, the lack of positive creativity, communicated itself only to your soul. I do not know what infinite yearning possesses you, so that you are driven to a perilous, lonely search for some perverted goal where you expect to find happiness by taking others. I see you as the eternal pilgrim, to some shrine that perhaps does not exist. I do not know to what inscrutable Nirvana you aim. Do you really know what your actions have created? That I will not rest until I change this situation, My poor Brother what happened to you? Adversity is available to me and I do have trouble with the whole situation, this Drama, but as my own intentions are in question, I say we are only Humans.

" Poor Woman, I am very disappointed with you too; know that my Children have been used for your gold bangles and weekly hair appointments. Well fuck both of you...."

Men forget the horrible thoughts that wander through their own minds and are indignant when they discover them in others. It seemed so unworthy of me to partner such a great Poet that he should impugn the undoubted virtue for his named Brother in order, snobbishly, to plume himself of his bastard virtues. When you were Pointing to that little wooden house and saying, “I screwed her Sister in that yard” Could anyone honesty claim morality after such a feat? or better still that it was just before your wedding night..." I should have thought sometimes even you couldn't help thinking of your own self. I don't mean the past few years, but further back, when you first met your wife, and loved her, and married her. Don't you remember the joy with which you first took her in your arms? " I assume that you can't understand love at all, yet place conditions around the words you say to control every person with your mundane poetry. Whilst you were away in Europe, the poor woman had given birth to your first Child; I guessed she had to feel the pain and isolation all alone while you selfishly partied, boasting to me of the wild experiences. There is no harm in a side kick in the hindquarter or young portly girl friends on the side, is there? that brings satisfaction for the hound in your mind. The classic story teller's of Morals didn't throw stones for fodder and sooner or later we all awaken to find that our joke has returned at our expense, or should I say truth.

"Do you not see the damage that you've done, my Bastard brother?"

I've seen your children too; grow up over time into young adults, but don't take any credit my dear Poet, for you were always away, at least I credit the poor Woman in this instance. You would crave sympathy from me, many times as we'd sit and ponder our lives at the desk: “I wished I’d been a better Father” cried simple words; and these words were ordinary enough, but to my mind there was in them something so hortatory that I almost smiled. It is all quite hypocritical though when I went home each night to see the children before they went to sleep and you didn't and your opinions prevail. Your house was always cold, uninviting and I felt uneasy each time I visited as if I was intruding. For all your personality attracted I feel deep down that you are just a Toad, a Toad from Toad hall trying to escape from something, to be a trumpeter of prettied fantasy, and you had the nerve to justify my happy disposition as ethereal. A poor Woman held in contempt never tries to please I've heard. On the special occasions such as birthday's and anniversaries where were you? more likely away from the family shooting animals as you so would so cruelly describe for laughter? or your gayety bragging about stray roots on motorbike riding with your other brothers; are your conditions for them a fantasy too, maybe you are the ethereal satirist of self adoration; and when asked about the poor Woman, you could give an easy shrug, justifying she’ll get over it” . Oh dear brother, The ridicule will be endless.

Were your escapades pragmatic stories or just larger than life, saying to me "I need to get some blood on my hands" ; what a man I thought, and when you wanted a new life in Queensland a succession plan; your use of the English language is exquisitely presented, almost divine, adequately described such pomposity: “I’ll get lots of stray Roots up there!” a very bold statement from a balding old man. You seem overwhelmed and well rehearsed of stories that portray sexual triumph or enthusiasm of others monetary success. The Poet who preaches about sins, discovered as the sinner. You could laugh with the boys of defaming your real Brother’s wife, yet stick it up our employees for long mobile phone calls, but funnily enough; it was you who'd bump your mobile into an unknown connection. “and she heard everything” You had the Boys laughing, with nil embarrassment. A unique specialty of creating jokes about misfortune, evil witches and poultry females, lacking respect even for your own blood. Your skill for comedy I should never credit when the boys heard laughter of the poor Woman turning barren, but it was quite different when we discussed your periods of self pity; you'd sit alone planning an expensive binary network of tragedy, whilst the business ran around you. Put an arm around my shoulder, yet all I heard from others was “I've never trusted him...” that you could actually look me in the face as say I was like a Brother. Is there any "Self truth" in such a mind? The cold shoulder " Go away ! , piss off, I'm too busy..." that you could actually defame your best mate to me, to justify your actions as necessary, but sadly this act of humiliation was common. "Pity we got the third partner involved....?" that was a classic I say in disgust. And then what about : “He is bloody annoying but I keep him around” a poetic cliché for every friend......

Laying in Hospital on your back for four months broken and bruised after you stupidly crashed that bike, who hugged you ? saying "it will be alright" as you cried like a baby. Did I care ? well I did ensure that your pay went into the account as usual. You must laugh at what a sucker I was. " Look into the mirror Poet. do you not see a strange change to your face?" How could you be so distant from your own soul that protects you, Actually creating plans to destroy a good mans for his money, infecting my Children with your evil created opinions, that I was destroying the business which I founded with the Old Boy years before you were ever known. The victims you destroyed, were good people; who'd help us achieve a status in the industry. The gun site especially aimed at a throw away World, but in reality it made no difference really, whether you were around or not, your gift of carefully scrutinising the petrol accounts for chewing gum, No wonder we were so profitable? Forget the horrible thoughts that wander through your mind and justify your indignant nature of these affairs when you discover them from others. It is the means of understanding such acts that must be unrivalled.

Relativity of life is a truth, and Chaos goes around and around, if not completed. Managing a business? the molto ego can't, failure can be the only outcome, and when you face being used think of your unscrupulous nature, your acts for greed, dedicated interest for money and the laughter defaming your family to all who'd listen. Represent a version of Courage, Honour or truth as the manager of affairs, but know you are singular, greedy, a polarized overhead who looks to the past for new personal outcomes, future criticisms. Vision for desire, planning a shadow cast that envelopes the fear of past infidelity, lack of creativity petrified of positive outcomes. Poetic proclamations target vulnerable situations and with a Tongue down your pants and a knife in your heart you will find only his smile, the reward is declining virtue for there are no statues created for hypocrites .....

His destiny will soon be known.......